the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
