I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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