the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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