Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
