Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize