Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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