Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
and you fell through a lawn chair
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
