Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
