that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize