Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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