Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
