know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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