She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize