What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
