And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
