I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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