I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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