I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
