I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
