I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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