You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So drunk its hurt
Someone shit on the floor
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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