Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize