it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
