Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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