I could make wine with my vomit
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
