I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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