the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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