I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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