did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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