im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize