she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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