I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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