I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
