I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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