i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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