dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
