She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
