your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
