You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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