she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
