then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
