when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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