Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I skipped work to stalk him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
