Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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