stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
