Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
