i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
