You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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