2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
