I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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