I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
