guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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