She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
