It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
honey bunches of taint.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
