did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize