HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
