We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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