Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
