I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
