how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
