i permit you to call me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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