I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
