Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
