ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
