She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
