C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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