Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
