There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Randomize
