dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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