If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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