My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
