one might say we're banned from that church
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
