That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
