Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
