Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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