Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
